Descriptions can be beautiful.
His name rolls in my head, deliberate, important, not at all like the childishness of my name.
I arrange the pink and red chrysanthemums in the Waterford vase that casts rainbows on the pink marble floor and imagine him in a black tuxedo, his arm around me, my hand enfolded in his, sweeping over the dance floor to the soft lilt of a Viennese waltz.
But sometimes words tangle and snarl and become a mess.
It is a matter of the gravest possible importance to the health of anyone with a history of a problem with disease of the heart that he or she should avoid the sort of foods with a high percentage of saturated fats.
Corrected: Anyone with a history of heart disease should avoid saturated fats.(Heffernan and Lincoln, 1996, p. 55)
Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular.
Corrected: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic. (www.owl.english.purdue.edu)
Wonderful or hard to understand? It’s your choice. But keep in mind that few people read slowly today. They skim. And they want to be able to grasp the meaning of your words quickly. There’s nothing wrong with long sentences, as long as they make sense. So make it easy on them with clear writing.